I've always had a fascination with fat people and weight gain; how our bodies can shrink and grow and change shape and proportions so drastically. I always watched this community with lustful eyes from the sidelines, suppressing this part of myself like I'm sure many of you do, and never participating as either a feedee or a feeder. It's been a suppressed corner of my identity that I only feel comfortable indulging when I have complete solitude. Until now, I suppose.
I've always been a pretty thin dude. My remaining baby fat melted off when I ran cross-country in high school and I hovered around the 140 pound mark standing 5'10". After graduating and during my first quarter of online college, the extreme quarantine boredom pushed me to indulge in my fantasies a bit, as I conveniently worked at a pizza place and then a bakery. I put in what felt like an absurd amount of effort put into eating as much as I possibly could, even resorting to weight gain shakes on the side that I drank 3 times a day. I barely managed to gain 7 pounds before giving up and losing it all in a month. As far as I was concerned I was never doing that again.
Once I finally moved away to college my fetish retreated to the back of my mind again. I was the most social I'd ever been, surrounded by partying and boundless sexual opportunity. I felt disgusted at myself by the fact I even considered getting fat in the past. I pushed all of that out of my mind and completely reinvented myself. I pledged a fraternity, became sort of a manwhore, started going to the gym and getting that beach body I wanted. My ADHD diagnosis and subsequent Adderall prescription certainly helped in keeping my eating limited and I was probably the leanest I'd ever been in my life. Hazing itself involved intense workouts and I found myself encouraged to look like the chiseled frat guys that I was surrounded by and became close friends with. As far as I was concerned, my weight gain fetish was part of the old me, and he was long dead.
So months pass, I get initiated into [insert Greek letters here] and begin my sophomore year of school. But the novelty of college life has worn off, and I grew desensitized to the fast lifestyle of my freshman year. I begin to look for happiness in other places, and sidled back into some of my old habits as I pruned my bloated social circle and refocused on myself. I stopped going to gym and canceled my membership. I stopped watching what I was eating. I stopped caring so much about the opinions of others and learned to enjoy my newfound confidence with myself. I stopped being someone that I simply wasn't.
The process was gradual. I swapped out vodka for beer at parties, and a lot of it. I upped my dining hall plan from 5, 7 to 10 meals a week. At work I started getting full sandwiches for lunch instead of half. I got tired of biking to campus to study in the library so I often stayed in my room instead. I bought a mini-fridge for my room that always had beer, snacks and ice cream. Rather than taking the short walk to the corner store for snacks I started using the local start-up electric scooter delivery service, Duffl. And my Duffl orders that used to consist of a small bag with water and some light chips turned into the largest size bag filled with full size chip bags, chocolate milk, ben and jerry's, and candy. These snack runs went from a weekly treat to daily necessity. I also voluntarily stopped taking my Adderall prescription due to my tendency to abuse it, which certainly kicked my appetite back into gear.
In my mind, I was still the same skinny kid I was in high school, the one who couldn't gain weight even if he tried. To me, I was still receiving plenty of female attention, of course indicative that I was still the slim, tatted, pierced and personable ladies man that I had grown to (quite pompously) see myself as. When my weight came up for whatever reason I still said 140 because, let's face it, that was simply never going to change. Indeed, until earlier this week the delusion was still in full force. The utter denial that I had scoffed at as unrealistic in those weight gain stories I'd read for years was now singing its simpering lullaby into my ears; and I was enthralled by its song.
(Continued in reply)
I've always been a pretty thin dude. My remaining baby fat melted off when I ran cross-country in high school and I hovered around the 140 pound mark standing 5'10". After graduating and during my first quarter of online college, the extreme quarantine boredom pushed me to indulge in my fantasies a bit, as I conveniently worked at a pizza place and then a bakery. I put in what felt like an absurd amount of effort put into eating as much as I possibly could, even resorting to weight gain shakes on the side that I drank 3 times a day. I barely managed to gain 7 pounds before giving up and losing it all in a month. As far as I was concerned I was never doing that again.
Once I finally moved away to college my fetish retreated to the back of my mind again. I was the most social I'd ever been, surrounded by partying and boundless sexual opportunity. I felt disgusted at myself by the fact I even considered getting fat in the past. I pushed all of that out of my mind and completely reinvented myself. I pledged a fraternity, became sort of a manwhore, started going to the gym and getting that beach body I wanted. My ADHD diagnosis and subsequent Adderall prescription certainly helped in keeping my eating limited and I was probably the leanest I'd ever been in my life. Hazing itself involved intense workouts and I found myself encouraged to look like the chiseled frat guys that I was surrounded by and became close friends with. As far as I was concerned, my weight gain fetish was part of the old me, and he was long dead.
So months pass, I get initiated into [insert Greek letters here] and begin my sophomore year of school. But the novelty of college life has worn off, and I grew desensitized to the fast lifestyle of my freshman year. I begin to look for happiness in other places, and sidled back into some of my old habits as I pruned my bloated social circle and refocused on myself. I stopped going to gym and canceled my membership. I stopped watching what I was eating. I stopped caring so much about the opinions of others and learned to enjoy my newfound confidence with myself. I stopped being someone that I simply wasn't.
The process was gradual. I swapped out vodka for beer at parties, and a lot of it. I upped my dining hall plan from 5, 7 to 10 meals a week. At work I started getting full sandwiches for lunch instead of half. I got tired of biking to campus to study in the library so I often stayed in my room instead. I bought a mini-fridge for my room that always had beer, snacks and ice cream. Rather than taking the short walk to the corner store for snacks I started using the local start-up electric scooter delivery service, Duffl. And my Duffl orders that used to consist of a small bag with water and some light chips turned into the largest size bag filled with full size chip bags, chocolate milk, ben and jerry's, and candy. These snack runs went from a weekly treat to daily necessity. I also voluntarily stopped taking my Adderall prescription due to my tendency to abuse it, which certainly kicked my appetite back into gear.
In my mind, I was still the same skinny kid I was in high school, the one who couldn't gain weight even if he tried. To me, I was still receiving plenty of female attention, of course indicative that I was still the slim, tatted, pierced and personable ladies man that I had grown to (quite pompously) see myself as. When my weight came up for whatever reason I still said 140 because, let's face it, that was simply never going to change. Indeed, until earlier this week the delusion was still in full force. The utter denial that I had scoffed at as unrealistic in those weight gain stories I'd read for years was now singing its simpering lullaby into my ears; and I was enthralled by its song.
(Continued in reply)
2 years
